dark past... brighter tomorrow...

some relationships dont end well. .

it mostly ends in. .  fighting. . arguments. .

mine ends. . i know. . in friendships. .

because thats how we want it. .

eventhough she want us to stay longer. .

i just thought. . that everything will just go the same way. .

so why wait and hurt each other. .

it really wasn't much for me to feel. .

because its been nearly 2 months since we've seen each other. .

know i believe . . that. .  absence make the heart forget. .

maybe. . its my choice. . maybe. . its not really meant to be. .

if TRUE friends can be bought over the counter. . i might have bought 1. . i dont need fancy friends that will just be there when they need you. . and when its the time you needed them. . they just "poof!". . i dont need someone that will tell my secret to everyone she/he knew. . i dont need someone that will hurt my feelings. . by making fun of me. . i just need someone. . that i can talk to. . not everytime. . just at least someone that i can contact when some things troubled me. . .

how to define "REAL"  friends. . .

hmm. .

1. honest. .

2. trustworthy. .

3. don't talk bad things behind your back. .

4. accept you for who you are. .and who will you gonna be. .

5. tells you that you have "somethin" in your nose. . instead of laughing at you. .

6.

7.

8.

pwedeng dagdagan thru comments. .

i have to share this with anyone..

ang lungkot lang. . .di ko alam kung me nakaexperience na nito sa inyo. .

strict ung parents ko. . as in. . ang buhay ko lang bilang intern ngaun. . bahay - ospital - bahay - ospital. . un lang. . wlang halong kasinungalingan. . ihahatid ako ng 7am or 10 am or 7pm depende sa duty ko ng driver namin. . then susunduin ako sa mcu hospital (1st in) pag uwian na. .  hindi ako ngcocomplain dun. . xe pabor sa kin ung hatid sundo. . xe di rin naman ako marunong macommute. . marunong in a sense na pauwi lang ang kaya ko. . commute pa rin un. . (right. . .?) hindi ko pa ntry mgcommute ng papuntang mcu hospital. . wla kong sinuway na utos nila. . wala kong matandaan na ngpilit ako ng isang bagay na ayaw nila. .  pagsinabi nilang umuwi na ko . . uuwi na ko. . pagsinabing dapat nasa bahay ako ng 8pm dapat nasa bahay nko ng 8pm. . pag lumampas ako dun. . galit na sila. .

kaya ako ngsulat dito. . xe. . ang sama ng loob ko. . ung mga kaibigan, kaklase ko.. . ngplaplan ng get together. .  swimming party overnight un. . thinking na papayagan ako ni mami. . xe me dating naunsyaming plano. . sinabi ko sa kanila na sasama ko. . pero paguwi. . di ko pa sinasabi ung paalam ko. . "hindi" na agad ang sagot niya sakin. .  then pinipilit ko xa. . sabi ko hindi naman ako mgswimming. . sabi sakin "hindi naman pala bat sasama ka pa. ." sabi ko naman. . dati ngapapaalam ako sa inyo. . na me swimming ang sabi niyo sakin " ayaw niyo xe baka me kung anu mang mgyare etchetera. . ngaung hindi ako mgswiswimming sasabihin niyo hindi naman pala ko mgswimming bat sasama pa ko. .  anu ba un" di nko ngsalita xe alam ko ng walang patutunguhan ung usapan namin. . then hindi na kami nagusap. . then i tried again. . pero "tsk" lang ang nakuha ko. . and i give up. . anung magagawa ko. . wla naman eh. .

maskit lang sa part ko. . lahat sinunod ko. . minsan lang naman ako mgpaalam. . .minsan lang ako aalis na hindi ospital ang pupuntahan ko. . hindi ako ngsinungaling sa duty ko. . hindi ako gumigimik. . ngpapaalam ako kung san ako pupunta. . then. . parang ang dating wala silang tiwala sakin. . ngrereply ako agad pag ngtxt siya skin xe nagagalit xa pag hindi narereplyan. .

then. . isa pa. . wlang nakakaintindi sa situation ko. . akala ba ng mga kaibigan ko ayaw kong sumama. . everytime na aalis sila. . gusto ko naman sumama pero wla akong magawa kung ayaw ng magulang ko. . wlang makakaintindi sakin. . and ayoko silang i force indtindihin ako xe di nila responsibilidad un. . wla kong magagawa if magagalit sila. . gnun naman un. . magagalit. .  di ako papasinin. . paparinggan ako. . nakakasawa. . bat hindi nalang nila intindihin ung situation ko na ganito na nila ko nakilala . . eversince hindi ako pinapayagan. . payagan man ako. . one time lang un. . nung 1st year pa ko. . and never nkong pinayagan ulit. .

hai. . hirap ng walang nakakaintindi. . i have my rebellious plan. . . pero in the end . . ako din mgsuffer. . naisip ko nalang na tatapusin ko nalang to tsaka ko magwawala. .

ngaun lang ako naiyak ng dahil sa swimming na hindi ako pinayagan. . napakaliit na bagay siguro nito sa iba. . pero it really affects me. . napakalungkot ko. . sobra. . no one understands me. . .because. . no one tried. .

she loves you. .

she does'nt want you to go away. .

while she is pushing you away. .

it does'nt mean that she dont need you. .

you just need to feel. .

what she want you to feel. .

she want you to feel. .

her love for you. .

promising not to hurt you. .

giving you everything that she have. .

giving you everything that you need. .

loving you endlessly. .

just stay by her side. . .